I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
