You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
