Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
