That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
