I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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