I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
