I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
