god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Randomize
