Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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