Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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