My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
