Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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