My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
