Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Me too!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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