I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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