Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
