Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
