Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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