I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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