M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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