super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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