How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
