I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
