i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
