Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
