i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
