I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
