something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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