Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Randomize
