"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You were trust falling into bushes
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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