I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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