allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
