let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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