i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
