Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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