Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
