Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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