it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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