We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Who died my cat blue again?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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