I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
