i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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