I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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