He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
