Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
