Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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