you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
