I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
