I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
