The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
