Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We need to get me chipped asap
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
