My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
